Dominating Dan storms in the house after a long day of dealing with completely incompetent people and is more frustrated than ever that Human Resources will not let him fire his entire staff. Not only is his staff incapable of keeping a deadline but he has to tell them what to do every step of the way. "Why can't they think for themselves?" he mutters, "Life would be so much easier if everyone did what they were told when they were told to do it."
Dan looks around the house seeing the kids playing with unfinished homework still on the dining room table and explodes. He yells for the kids to stop having fun and get back to work so they don't grow up to be as incompetent as his employees. As usual nothing is finished on his timetable as he has previously instructed and everything is always late. If only the world had more disciplined and motivated people like him then everything would be fine and the world would not be in such chaos.
Sound familiar? If so, then your someone is a "D" in the DISC personality profile which is "Dominating". Their motto in life is to "Get it done now", for them completing a task on time is the most important element. Competition is their best friend as there is no need to push them to complete a task, just the mention of someone else accomplishing a task is enough to propel them into action to out-perform everyone else in their path.
They are self-motivated, determined, driven, goal-oriented over-achievers. If you say something can't be done, just watch them prove you wrong. They get energy from knowing they have out-done their friends, spouses, children, co-workers, pastors, parents, and anyone else in their life. But be warned, they are not afraid to step on your back to get where they want to be or to throw you under the bus if in the end it helps them. For them, the ends do justify the means and life would be so much better if everyone was just like them.
As a Spouse. Expect them to insist on winning every argument and wanting to be control of all aspects of your life. They want to know who, what, where, why, and when not because they care about the details but because they like the control. Sometimes it will feel like you are the child and they are the adult and when that happens, they have you exactly where they want you. Since they are focused and driven, they are likely to delegate relational issues but want to maintain overall control over everything else including the kid's schedule. They can smell a false sense of control a mile away, so faking that they are in control will not work but will back-fire instead. Since they need to be in charge of something at home, let them have their area of choice just don't make it relational in nature.
As a Friend. If you ask them for advice, not only do they willingly give it to you but they tell you all about how they have done it better in the past. If you take their advice, you are their new best friend but if you reject their advice, you better have your armor on because they are coming after you with a vengeance. Because they like to take the lead on things, as long as they are directing the friendship things will be just fine but if you try to direct the friendship they will drop you like a hot potato and accuse you of being a fake friend.
As a Co-Worker. They don't play nice with other children, so at work, they are the least likely to get along with others. They do much better in leadership positions so they naturally take the lead on nearly every project even if they are not the expert. But if you try to lead instead of them, you will be met with such sharp criticism that you will never try it again. Let them take the lead and follow their lead because even if it is the wrong direction, they will protect you. But if you confront them, you are left without any protection and are more likely to become the object of their next target.
As a Child. Again, they don't play nice with other children so they are usually the ones ordering everyone else around. They have a natural knack for finding the flaw in everyone else but if you point out their flaw you will be met with a harsh rebuke or a temper tantrum. Since they are task-oriented, they are likely to excel in school as the idea of doing better than their siblings or classmates motivates them beyond their natural talents. This strong determination is well-praised in school so it reinforces the behavior driving the child to achieve more, be better and be stronger but it carries with it the price of isolation from peers as other child do not enjoy being on the losing end of an unknown competition.
More than likely you have already identified a boss or entrepreneur who fits this description to a tee as these positions seem to suite them well. They are hard-workers and expect others to work as hard as they do all the time. The biggest problem is that they work too hard and alienate themselves from others in the process. The stress of their profession and the need to achieve can be a deadly combination as they are likely to have stress related health issues as well. So the next time you encounter a Dominating Dan, remember that there is a price to pay for all the success and choose to show them compassion instead of jealousy.
Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.
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